i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
