I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
