Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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