I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
