Say something about gay babies.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
