It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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