I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
