I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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