Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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