He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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