What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
