Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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