his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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