As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
