OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
