That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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