You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
