You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
