Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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