can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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