I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your cock deserves a montage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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