it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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