Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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