The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
