oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
