I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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