I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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