This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
