My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
