I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
