Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
