I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
