we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
