I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
