I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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