Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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