So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
