I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
