my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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