My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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