Do you still have your period?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
