I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
