my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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