Well douche your snatch and let's go!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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