He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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