How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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