wakey wakey hands off snakey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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