wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
