how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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