I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
